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The Messy, Wonderful Art of Adult Friendship

March 7, 2026

Let’s Talk About Friendship

Look, I’m gonna be honest here. Friendship as an adult is weird. It’s not like when we were kids, where you just kinda… had friends. You know? Like, you’d see them every day at school, and that was that. But as adults? It’s a whole different ballgame.

I’m Sarah, by the way. I’ve been writing about lifestyle stuff for, oh, about 22 years now. I’ve seen a lot of trends come and go. But this? The state of adult friendship? It’s something else.

So, last Tuesday, I was having coffee with my friend, let’s call him Marcus. We’ve known each other since college, which is… wow, 15 years now? Time flies, right? Anyway, we were talking about how hard it is to maintain friendships as adults. And honestly, it’s not just us. It’s everyone.

Marcus said, “Sarah, remember when we were in our 20s? We had, like, a million friends. And now? It’s a miracle if we can find time for a quick coffee.” Which… yeah. Fair enough.

Why Is It So Hard?

So, why is it so hard? Well, for starters, life gets in the way. Jobs, families, committment, you name it. It’s like, suddenly, you’re lucky if you can find time to brush your teeth, let alone catch up with an old friend.

And don’t even get me started on social media. It’s like, we think we’re staying connected, but honestly? It’s just a bunch of performative nonsense. You scroll through someone’s feed, see their perfect vacation pics, and think, “Oh, they’re doing great!” But are they really? Or are they just as lost as the rest of us?

I mean, take my friend Lisa. We’ve been friends since high school. She moved to Austin a few years ago, and suddenly, our deep convos were replaced with likes on Instagram posts. It’s not the same, you know?

But here’s the thing. It’s not all doom and gloom. There are ways to make it work. You just gotta be intentional about it.

Make the Effort

You gotta make the effort. It’s that simple. And no, I’m not talking about liking their posts. I mean, actually reaching out. Picking up the phone. Sending a text that’s more than just “Hey, what’s up?”

About three months ago, I decided to do just that. I reached out to an old colleague named Dave. We used to work together at a magazine in Chicago. Haven’t seen him in years. So, I sent him a message: “Hey, Dave. Remember that time we stayed up till 3am editing that article? Good times. How’ve you been?”

And you know what? He responded. And we caught up. And it was great. It was like no time had passed at all. It’s amazing how a simple message can make such a difference.

And look, I get it. It’s not always easy. Life is busy. But if you don’t make the effort, who will?

Be Present

And when you do see your friends, be present. Put your phone away. Look them in the eye. Listen to what they’re saying. Be there, you know?

I remember this one time, I was having dinner with a friend. And honestly, I was on my phone the whole time. I was checking emails, scrolling through social media, the works. And she called me out on it. She said, “Sarah, I feel like I’m having dinner with my phone.” And she was right. It was a wake-up call.

So, I made a change. I started leaving my phone in my bag during meals. And you know what? It made a world of difference. I actually enjoyed the conversation. I laughed. I listened. It was great.

It’s Not About the Quantity

Here’s another thing. It’s not about the quantity of friends you have. It’s about the quality. You don’t need a million friends. You just need a few good ones. People who get you. Who support you. Who make you laugh.

I mean, take my friend Emma. We’ve been friends since college. She’s seen me at my best and my worst. And she’s still there. That’s what matters. Not the number of friends you have, but the ones who stick around.

So, don’t worry if your friend group is small. As long as you’ve got people who care about you, that’s all that matters.

A Quick Tangent: The Power of Shared Experiences

You know what else helps? Shared experiences. Doing stuff together. It’s not just about talking. It’s about doing. Going for a hike. Seeing a movie. Cooking a meal. Whatever. Just do something together.

I remember this one time, a bunch of us went on a road trip. And honestly, it was a disaster. We got lost. The car broke down. We argued. But you know what? We laughed about it. And it brought us closer together. It’s crazy how a shared experience can strengthen a friendship.

It’s Okay to Let Go

And hey, it’s okay to let go of friendships that don’t serve you anymore. Not all friendships are meant to last. And that’s okay. It’s part of life. People change. Paths diverge. And that’s fine.

I mean, I had a friend once. Let’s call her Rachel. We were close in high school. But as we got older, we just grew apart. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean the friendship wasn’t real. It just means it ran its course.

So, don’t feel guilty if you let go of a friendship. It’s not a reflection on you or them. It’s just life.

Final Thoughts

Look, adult friendship is messy. It’s complicated. It’s hard. But it’s also wonderful. It’s worth the effort. It’s worth the time. It’s worth the committment.

So, reach out to that old friend. Make the effort. Be present. Enjoy the shared experiences. And let go of the ones that don’t serve you anymore.

And remember, it’s not about the quantity of friends you have. It’s about the quality. As long as you’ve got a few good ones, you’re golden.

Author Bio: Sarah Johnson is a senior magazine editor with over 20 years of experience writing about lifestyle topics. She’s a firm believer in the power of adult friendship and thinks you should call your friends more often. When she’s not writing, you can find her exploring the outdoors or trying out new recipes in the kitchen. She lives in Portland with her cat, Miso.