My Life as a Human Yes-Man
Look, I’m gonna be honest here. For the first 38 years of my life, I was a total pushover. A doormat. A human yes-man. If you needed something, I was your guy. Remember that time in 2015 when my so-called friend Marcus (let’s call him that because I’m not naming names) asked me to help him move at 11:30pm on a Tuesday? Yeah, I was there with a truck and a smile.
And it wasn’t just big stuff. No, no. It was the little things that killed me. ‘Hey, can you pick up my dry cleaning?’ ‘Sure!’ ‘Can you watch my dog while I’m in Bali for three weeks?’ ‘Of course!’ I was basically a human Swiss Army knife of accomodation.
Then, about three months ago, I hit my breaking point. It was a Tuesday (seems like all my breaking points happen on Tuesdays). My colleague named Dave asked me to take on an extra project at work. I was already drowning in tasks, but did I say no? No, I did not. I said, ‘Sure, Dave, no problem!’ And then I cried in the bathroom for 20 minutes.
Why Saying Yes All the Time is Basically Self-Sabotage
You know what’s crazy? We live in a world where saying yes is like, the ultimate virtue. You’re supposed to be available 24/7, always willing to help, always putting others first. But here’s the thing: that’s completley unsustainable. It’s like trying to run a marathon on a single slice of pizza. You’re gonna crash and burn, buddy.
I mean, think about it. When you say yes to everything, what are you really saying? You’re saying no to yourself. No to your time, your energy, your mental health. And that’s not cool. It’s not cool at all.
I remember talking to my friend Lisa over coffee at the place on 5th. She’s a therapist, so she’s basically a human truth bomb. I told her about my constant people-pleasing, and she looked at me dead in the eye and said, ‘You’re basically a human doormat, and it’s not cute.’ Which… yeah. Fair enough.
The Day I Started Saying No (And the World Didn’t End)
So, last Tuesday (see, I told you about Tuesdays), I decided to try something radical. I said no. To something small, sure, but still. A coworker asked me to cover her shift, and I said, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t do it this time.’ And you know what? The world didn’t end. In fact, nothing happened at all. She was a little surprised, but she found someone else to cover her shift, and that was that.
It was like this huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It was… liberating. Empowering. And kinda scary, honestly. But in a good way, like a rollercoaster that’s about to drop but you’re excited for it.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you should go around saying no to everything. That’s just as extreme as saying yes to everything. It’s about finding a balance. It’s about setting boundaries. And honestly, it’s about respecting yourself enough to know when you need to say no.
How to Say No Without Feeling Like a Jerk (Because You’re Not)
So, how do you say no without feeling like a total jerk? Well, first of all, stop feeling like a jerk. You’re not a jerk. You’re a human with limits, and that’s okay.
Here are some tips that have worked for me:
- Be honest but tactful. You don’t have to give a novel’s worth of explanation. A simple ‘I’m sorry, I can’t commit to this right now’ is enough.
- Offer alternatives. If you can’t do what they’re asking, suggest someone who might be able to.
- Practice makes perfect. The more you say no, the easier it gets. It’s like a muscle you have to train.
- Remember, it’s okay to say no. Really. It’s okay.
And if you’re looking for more tips on setting boundaries and living your best life, check out this fashion accessories buying guide. Wait, what? Oh, sorry, wrong tangent. You know what I mean, though. There are resources out there to help you live a more balanced life.
A Brief Digression: The Time I Said No to a Vape
Speaking of boundaries, let me tell you about the time I said no to a vape. I was at a conference in Austin, and some guy was like, ‘Hey, want to try this?’ And I was like, ‘No thanks, I’m good.’ And he was like, ‘Come on, it’s just flavored air!’ And I was like, ‘Nope, still not interested.’ And that was that. I mean, I write for a vape website, but that doesn’t mean I have to vape. Boundaries, people. They’re important.
So, What’s the Verdict?
Look, setting boundaries is hard. It’s scary. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s also necessary. It’s necessary for your sanity, your health, your happiness. And honestly, it’s necessary for the people around you too. Because when you’re burned out and exhausted, you’re not helping anyone.
So, do yourself a favor. Say no once in a while. Try it out. See how it feels. And who knows? Maybe, like me, you’ll discover a whole new world of self-respect and empowerment. Or maybe you’ll just have more time to binge-watch your favorite show. Either way, it’s a win.
And remember, it’s okay to say no. Really. It’s okay.
About the Author
Sarah Johnson is a senior editor with over 20 years of experience in the magazine industry. She’s written for major publications, covered everything from politics to pop culture, and has a strong opinion on basically everything. When she’s not writing, you can find her yelling at her TV during football games or trying to convince her cat that she is, in fact, the boss of the house. (Spoiler: the cat wins.)
Sarah lives in Portland with her husband, two kids, and the aforementioned cat. She loves a good book, a strong cup of coffee, and a well-timed sarcastic comment. She hates olives, people who chew loudly, and the acquision of unnecessary committments.
